Encountering the Demon

Sunday , 20, January 2019 73 Comments













Photo by Miguel Angel Ruiz Sanchez


Depression is no stranger to me; Yeah, I’ve known the demon’s seductive power throughout most of my life. There have been too many times when I’ve been unable to avoid tumbling downward, and it seems to have taken way too long to learn my warning signs, indicating something is just not quite right.


My first major depression occurred after the early death of my father at age 44. I was 14 years old, entering high school within the month. I have never done a search about grief to find out what is a “normal” (I try hard to avoid that word, since I’ve never met anyone or thing which I would consider normal) length of time for grieving the death of one’s parent. That first year I went about life at school in a rather numb state, crying silently every night in my bed, lest anyone should hear. I did ask to see a psychiatrist, as I was afraid that I was going “crazy,” but was reassured by my mom that I wasn’t—and that was that. No one talked about my father; no one referred to his long illness, the toll it took on all of us. No one talked.

That’s how I grew up—no one talked about feelings. So, I poured them out into journal notebooks; and when I did finally meet with a therapist in my early 20’s, I recognized that I’d been grieving all those years, unable to come to terms with the loss.

I’ve suffered several depressions since then: during a difficult marriage…the year before my divorce (my first time taking anti-depressant meds) …the year when I couldn’t find a job…the year spent working in a terribly toxic atmosphere—ultimately landing me in a psych unit for almost a week…and returning there for another week, eight months later. The hospitalizations occurred in 2016, so it’s not that long ago, and I can see that this depression has been the most difficult, still lingering around. It’s been very helpful for me to trace back and figure out how and what I was feeling about life going on around me, as well as within myself. I can see that each time it’s been tougher to wade through…

I have to mention in all this, that I have been in some form of psychotherapy since my 20’s (!), and taking meds pretty consistently since I turned 40. For me, this combo is good, strong and productive. Particularly when I do a lot of work outside of therapy sessions—i.e., journal writing, staying active, focus on self-care, avoid the pity parties as much as possible—then, I feel ok. But this has meant trying many different medications—for anxiety and depression. Some work for a while, then they are increased—which works for a while. Then they don’t, and I end up with a whole new regime. Psychiatrists are no longer gods to me, and I have become pretty strong at standing up for myself, letting the doctor know that some med is no longer working. I figure no one knows the workings of my brain better than I do. So, I have become my strongest advocate. But it took a long while to get here…

Some studies indicate that if you have suffered more than one major depression, that additional periods of depression may be more likely. That information scares me. But I continue to explore the ways in which my quirky mind and feelings work, and how my soul attempts to send me signals that I am really hurting—and when I do encounter the demon again, well, my aim is to try to manage the journey a day, an hour, or even a minute at a time.








73 thoughts on “ : Encountering the Demon”
  • their asmr says:

    I just like the helpful information you supply in your articles.
    I will bookmark your weblog and test again here frequently.
    I’m fairly sure I will be informed many new stuff proper right here!
    Good luck for the following!

  • seks cams says:

    How can I get more helpful info?

  • How can I contact you? I am interested in more information.

  • Excellent post. I was checking constantly this blog and I am impressed! Very useful information specifically the last part 🙂 I care for such info a lot. I was looking for this particular information for a long time. Thank you and good luck.|

  • Bed is the poor mans opera.

  • Florian says:

    I was able to find good info from your blog posts.

  • Prednisone says:

    Come Acquistare Viagra Online

  • cialis buy says:

    Foto Levitra In Farmacia

  • Propecia says:

    Dove Si Compra Il Viagra

  • Lasix says:

    Cialis Generika Kaufen Erfahrung

  • This a great feature. Really Cool. Respect an opportunity to get super stats regarding units blogs and forums, too! I serious like everything about this wundabar artical…

  • How can I get more useful information?

  • Furniture says:

    The article has really peaks my interest. I am going to like your site and preserve checking for brand spanking new information from feed RSS :-).

  • Russel says:

    Excellent post. I definitely appreciate this website. Thanks!

  • Manie Sterba says:

    Greetings! I know this is kind of off topic but I was wondering which blog platform are you using for this website? I’m getting fed up of WordPress because I’ve had issues with hackers and I’m looking at alternatives for another platform. I would be awesome if you could point me in the direction of a good platform.|

  • Howdy just wanted to give you a brief heads up and let you know a few of the pictures aren’t loading correctly. I’m not sure why but I think its a linking issue. I’ve tried it in two different web browsers and both show the same outcome.|

  • Doyle Tutson says:

    Hello, Neat post. There is a problem together with your website in web explorer, could check this? IE still is the marketplace chief and a large section of other people will pass over your wonderful writing due to this problem.|

  • webcams sexy says:

    How can I get more helpful information?

  • I will immediately grasp your rss feed as I can’t to find your email subscription hyperlink or e-newsletter service. Do you’ve any? Please allow me recognize in order that I may subscribe. Thanks.|

  • Dorian Eitel says:

    It’s very simple to find out any matter on web as compared to textbooks, as I found this article at this web page.|

  • Hello, after reading this awesome piece of writing i am as well
    glad to share my familiarity here with mates.

  • I’m curious to find out what blog system you happen to be working with? I’m having some minor security problems with my latest website and I’d like to find something more risk-free. Do you have any suggestions?|

  • Please give us your valuable comment

    Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *